NUISANCE

When I still lived with my arch nemesis (see Idle and Justice), we used to get a few annoying sales calls, particularly round about the time when we had just managed to get Erin to sleep and were finally able to exhale.

Our phone number was listed under her surmame (we never married). I will use Smith for this tale as I don't want to be binned from Blogspot for defaming a particular individual (although, for the record, SHE IS A TOTAL TWAT!)

When answering the phone calls I used to take pleasure in taking a very minimalist approach with my responses. The callers really don't expect this and it completely throws them. Here's an example:-

CALLER: Hello, is that Mister Smith?

ME: No.

Pause while caller expects me to say something else.

CALLER: Oh, OK. Is Mister Smith in please?

ME: No.

CALLER: (already rather rattled) Can I speak to Mrs Smith then please?

ME: Who?

CALLER: Mrs R. Smith? Is Mrs Smith in at all?

(Even if The Evil One was home, she was not called Mrs Smith.)

ME: Nope.

CALLER: Do you mind if I ask who you are?

ME: Yes.

CALLER: Sorry?

ME: I said yes.

By this time the caller had usually completely lost control of proceedings, but would find it really difficult to end the conversation as I had not actually said anything to indicate that I wanted them to.

CALLER: Do you mind if I take ten minutes of your time to tell you about blah blah blah de blah?

ME: Yes.

CALLER: You mean yes, yes you want me to tell you?

ME: No.

No offense to people who work in cold calling. Everyone has to earn a living. I just used to so enjoy the mental jousting!

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