GRAVY

In recent years the UK has seen a sharp decline in the quality and availability of gravy. I'm pretty sure that when I was younger, gravy used to be available at all mealtimes, even when it was cheese sandwiches.

I blame these celebrity TV chefs with their new fangled 'sauces'. Paradoxically, the amount of gravy-making ingredients available in our shops seems to have grown out of control.

It used to be simple. A bit like music, politics or Saturday morning TV. There was the shit one and the good one. Duran Duf***ingran or The Jam, Swap Shop or Tiswas, Thatcher or Scargill, Bovril or Oxo. None of your namby pamby Knorr lamb with a hint of mint poncey nonsense.

GRAVY! Cow flavour!

Never mind if you're having chicken. This is gravy. It's brown. Dark brown! I don't think there's any coincidence between the gravy decline and the unruly behaviour of today's disaffected youth. Who can blame them? They have no idea where they stand.

This kind of attitude has led our country into decline.

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