The other week, someone told me that hippos are responsible for more human deaths in Africa than any other animal. I found that a bit hard to believe so I did a bit of research.
I found this article (click to read) :-
Are hippos the most dangerous animal?
"They were attacking boatmen, beating up cows and ripping up rice fields. The herds of "marauding herbivores" had been chased out of Mali already and spilled into Niger, behaving worse than drunken soccer fans."
Beating up cows! Now that's just not cricket. What have cows ever done?
"Listen, Harry. I'm bored. Same thing every bloody day. 'What are we going to do today?' 'Oh, I dunno. We could go swimming.' F&*K OFF swimming. We've been swimming every day for 8 1/2 years. I am sick of tw&*ting swimming. Is it any wonder we are always bloody yawning?"
"All right, Horace. Calm down. What else did you have in mind? Eating some plants? That's good. I enjoy that. Especially after a good swim."
"Jeeeeeeeeesus Harry. Have you no imagination? For God's sake. I'm so bored with this s&*t. Why don't we take a dangerous and evil coctail of hard drugs and go beat up some cows?"
"Wha..? What?? Are you serious? What's wrong with swimming? Everyone likes swimming."
"Cats don't, and well, I'm not everyone, am I?"
"And why do you want to beat up cows? Poor dumb things. What've they ever done to you?"
"One of them ate a nice looking shrub I had my eye on once when I was a calf. The big selfish b&*tard. Ate the whole f*&%ing lot. Didn't leave a morsel."
"Well, cows gotta eat too, you know. I hardly think that warrants specicide."
"Oh, f*&k off Harry, you big soft pansy. You know nothing. If you're not gonna come with me them I'm off up to Mali to see Hughey and Heinrick and their mates. They'll know where I'm coming from. Heinrick stepped in a cow-pat once when we were out eating plants. Just had his toenails cleaned as well Boy, was he ever furious. So, you coming or not?"
"Don't think so, Horace. I promised Hilary I'd take her swimming."
I can only apologise profusely for the appalling language of that belligerent river horse.
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