ERIN AND LOTTIE

As many of you may already be aware, this year I went through just over three months of difficult struggle when my daughters and I were being denied the right to see each other by their mother. It was not the first time this has happened. It is a pattern that has repeated a number of times since I split up from their mother. I disagree with her about something. She says something along the lines of 'do what I say or you can't see your children', at which point I have no choice but to walk away from the situation until she withdraws that threat. That may seem like a harsh decision and it is indeed a very hard one, but I strongly believe it is the right thing to do. I cannot allow my daughters to be used in that manner and to do so would be a betrayal. Also, if I gave even an inch in concession, it would just happen more in the future. So I have to walk away and then stand firm. You cannot negotiate with terrorists.

My girls' mother usually fabricates one or more reasons to justify to herself why she is withdrawing access. These don't usually emerge until some time after her original decision. This time was no different. Almost three weeks after I had last seen my daughters, I received a letter stating the reasons why I was being denied access. I immediately replied to the letter, but my reply was ignored for a further 10 weeks.

You can see a copy of it here.

There was no reply to this letter. I wrote a simple letter every week and an e-mail every few days for the whole of the period requesting that my daughters' mother suggest new contact arrangements if she was not happy with the previous ones. She ignored every one of these communications. Eventually, having exhausted all attempts at reasonable communication, I was preparing to go to court when their mother had a remarkable turn-around.

During the three months, my main fear was that my daughters would be thinking that I did not want to see them. I had no doubt that their mother would be telling them this. There was no other way that she could justify to them what she was doing. I sent them cards and letters every week, but did not know whether they were being given to them. I even tried sending them to their school, who I subsequently discovered also refused to give them to my girls. Some of my good friends also sent cards to Erin and Lottie, as we thought that they might have more chance of being allowed to open something that was not in my handwriting. I will never forget their kind efforts.

Luckily, I had prepared for this. I knew that something like this might happen and so every time I had seen my daughters before this time I had made a point of letting them know that I would always want to see them whenever possible and would never deliberately not see them. In one beautiful five minutes, my fears were allayed. I decided to just turn up at their house one Saturday morning having written a letter a few days earlier saying I would be doing so. The letter stated that if I received no reply then I would assume it was OK. When I arrived, my children's mother was just taking them out. I managed to get a few minutes with them. In those few minutes I knew for certain that they knew exactly what was going on and did not doubt me at all. Their bravery and strength brings tears to my eyes now as I write. It was just what I needed to give me the resolve to carry on doing what was right.

This was a very difficult time for me and I want to take this opportunity to thank all my friends who showed me support during this time. Every one of you made a difference. You helped me always remember who I am: a good father and a good man. I never doubted for one moment that what I was doing was right and your support helped me keep that vital strength. At times of doubt, I kept one thought in mind: "I am love and I cannot be defeated. However long it takes."

If you are on the list below, it is because I deeply appreciate the time you took to support me during this struggle. My apologies if this comes rather late. I have only just reached a point where I feel able to write about this.

Leigh Fiorentino, Hannah and Ruby Jenkyns, Kelly Jayne, Bec Rhodes, Susanne McCabe, Sherri Leger, Lisa King, Beverly Oakland, Kerry Parkin, Sara Horvath, Lee Turner, Steve Moseley, Mike Robinson, Suzy Gould, Therese Mary Savage, Caroline Foy, Mark Bagnall, Tomasz Ondrusz, Marie Piekarski, Jill Hennig, Kate Hughes, Megan Bennet, Matthew Campbell, Michelle Cooney and last but certainly not least my own parents, grandmother, brothers and sister.

It was during this time that I came across Steve Moseley's video on YouTube and decided to help him. Every day my situation brought up a strong need to fight in me. I just needed to do something, anything. But some days, many days in fact, there was nothing I could do. So I had all this fight inside me and nowhere to channel it. I am pleased to say that I found my positive channel by helping Steve spread his video. Steve remains a great inspiration to many many fathers out there.

They say when you help dig someone out of their troubles, you make a hole to bury your own. How very true. 

The video below was recorded the day I got my daughters back after more than three months:-