The next day I got an e-mail from a salesperson at the company. This struck me as a little intrusive and I would normally have ignored them or told them to eff off. But I was in a good mood, so I decided to have some fun.
The following reproduced e-mails are the fun I had!
Hi Peter,
I noticed that you might have been having difficulty ordering on the web and wanted to make it easier for you. If you would still like to purchase product, I can work out cheaper shipping for you.
Also, there's something that you may not be aware of. Your order contains 4 items from the Personal Coaching Collection. There are a total of 6 available. If you got all 6, the cost is $89.
When you get a chance give me a call at 001-858-535-6274 or just reply to this email. If you would like me to call you, I will be happy to.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Have a great day.
Thanks,
Kay Knuteson
Product Specialist
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Wotcha Kay
How's life in San Diego? You lot really are on the ball, hey? I might still like to purchase some products, but I already have 2 of the series now. The first one and the one about Energy for Life. I got them from a shady looking Latvian feller in a remarkably tall hat, who said he didn't need them any more because his every dream had now been fulfilled.
You are also correct in guessing that I was altogether rather shocked by the shipping costs, so much so that I fell off my chair. But don't worry, while I was on the floor I found a cuff-link that I had been looking for for ages, so it turned out to be a rewarding experience after all. I also noticed that my carpet could really do with a vacuum, but I have so far managed to think of much better things to be doing with myself, and so the carpet remains in a state that my mother would not be at all proud of.
Anyway, Kay, enough about my adventures. What tempting deal can you offer me from across the miles?
You have a great day too, Flower.
Cheers, beers and Britney Spears,
Pete
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Hi Pete,
Thanks for getting back to me.
That was great. You can seriously be a writer. You can write for a great sitcom or something.
Life is doing good here in San Diego. Thanks for asking.
Well, I can ship the four to you for $25.
How's that?
If you would like to move forward with the order, would you like me to ship to the following?:
[My work address here]
If you would like to do the order with me via email, you can email me your credit-card details and telephone number and I'll process your order right away. If you would like me to call you just let me know. You can call me at 001-858-535-6274 if you like.
Cheers, Beer, and Britney Spears to you too, my friend.
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Hello again Kay
It's nearly midnight here in Blighty and my wise old grandmother warned me never to bargain with people in very sunny places with Spanish names after 10 pm. So if is all right with you, I will sleep on the matter and will probably be visited in my dreams by someone who looks a bit like Socrates and who will no doubt point me in the right direction by Hour of Power time.
In the meantime, happy selling Kay and have a good evening.
Cheers, beers and elephants' ears,
Pete
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Sounds good, Peter. Have a good night.
Sent: Tuesday, September 09, 2008 3:40 PM
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Morning Kay
Well, as predicted, I had a dream in which a man who looked remarkably like Socrates came and sat next to me on a park bench. In Britain that is fairly unusual as we are so reserved we will normally walk anything up to five miles to find a park bench with no one sitting on it rather than sit next to a stranger. Here is what happened next:-
Socrates Guy: Ahem.
Pete: [Sideways glance]
Socrates Guy: AHEM!
Pete: Can I help you?
Socrates Guy: What do you think of my beard?
Pete: You really want to know?
Socrates Guy: Yes, I really want to know.
Pete: Well, if you must know, I think it is a bit scruffy and makes you look old. Maybe give it a good trim. Have you considered designer stubble? I gather that's quite popular with the ladies.
Socrates Guy: I'm a philosopher, not a bleedin' underwear model. You don't see Dan Dennett going around with designer stubble do you?
Pete: You asked my opinion, you got it. Don't go getting all shirty because you don't like my opinion. If you don't want to know, don't ask.
Socrates Guy: [Grumpy voice] Very philosophical. Designer flippin' stubble. Tsch.
Pete: Anything else I can help you with?
Socrates Guy: Actually I was sent to help you.
Pete: Sent? By whom?
Socrates Guy: By the director. Uri Nersyki. When he tells you to do something, you do it.
Pete: I see. So what are you meant to be helping me with?
Socrates Guy: This Tony Robbins purchase thing.
Pete: Oh, yeh! I'd forgotten about that. I think it was that girl on the roller blades that did it.
Socrates Guy: What girl? Where?
Pete: She's gone now. But she sure stayed in my head!
Socrates Guy: Damn it! I always turn up at the wrong time!
Pete: If you think like that mate, then that's what'll happen.
Socrates Guy: Will you shut up! I'm the philosopher, OK?
Pete: Righto, Grumpy.
Socrates Guy: So what are your feelings on the purchase right now?
Pete: Well, Grumps, Kay has offered me a significant discount on the shipping. However, I need to consider whether I can't still get hold of the items in this country, maybe through Amazon or eBay, and save myself a few quid. It may take a while, but I can use the CDs I already have until I find the others. There's also the matter of whether I will be charged by H.M. Customs when the Sayings of Tony arrive in The Land of Hope and Glory.
Socrates Guy: I get it. So, it basically all comes down to a comparison of figures to you?
Pete: Pretty much, yes. I need Kay to tell me the total cost as well as whether these items are likely to be liable for import tax. If they are, how much. Then I can work out the cost per item and consider whether I can find them cheaper here. Simple really.
Socrates Guy: You really are remarkably dull sometimes, do you know that? Where's your sense of urgency and excitement? You are approaching it all wrong. Your whole outlook is based on the assumption that you will always have a lack of money. The point is, Toothy Tony is going to help you move to a place where there is abundance and you will laugh at yourself quibbling over a few quid like that.
Pete: Are you sure you aren't working for him?
Socrates Guy: Is that her?
Pete: What?
Socrates Guy: The roller-blades girl. Is that her? [Socrates Guy points]
Pete: Yeh, that's her! [Pete sighs]
Socrates Guy: Hubba hubba!
Pete: Did you just say 'Hubba hubba' ? I thought you were a philosopher, not an extra from Porkies.
Socrates Guy: Oh, shut up!
[Pete and Socrates guy spend 10 minutes watching Rollerblades Girl moving gracefully round the park]
Pete: [Sigh]
Socrates Guy: [Deeper sigh]
[Rollerblades girl skates right in front of the bench. She looks Pete right in the eye and smiles and winks before heading off into the distance]
Pete: You know what Socrates Guy?
Socrates Guy: What's that, Pete?
Pete: I think I am going to buy these things from Kay!
Socrates Guy: Did you see her smile at me?
Pete: Smile at you!? Why would she smile at you? She was smiling at me!
Socrates Guy: Dream on, Big Ears! Everyone knows chicks can't resist a brainy guy in a toga.
Pete: Yeh, right! [Sarcasm]
THE END
So Kay, tell me the full cost and I think maybe we will have a deal today.
Have a good day.
Cheers, beers and bicycle gears,
Pete
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