QUEEN ELIZABETH II (GAWD BLESS HER)

**Hear Pete read the poem here.**



When I was just a little boy, much younger than today,
My mother took me to one side, her wisdom to convey.

She said: "Now, son. You mark my words. These things you'd best remember.
If you ever find yourself encountering a member

Of the landed aristocracy or one of the Queen's brood,
Because unlike you and me they think quite harmless things are rude.

It's best not to discuss the way your Nigels really stink
If you're meeting with the Duke of Kent, he's liable to think

That you're lacking in decorum and have not been brought up proper
If you tell him just how much it pongs each time you do a plopper.

If you're summoned to The Palace to be made into a knight,
Don't ask the future King if Princess Di's was nice and tight.

It's also rather likely that Prince Charles will get quite riled
If you question whether Harry is another feller's child.

With Liz herself take extra care, she really won't be happy
If you tell her that her picture on the money looks real crappy.

With other females of the clan, one also must take care
Don't ask Fergie all about her ginger pubic hair.

If you're introduced to Princess Anne, don't feel her on the bum
And don't get out your throbbing cock when meeting The Queen Mum.

If you keep these things in mind my son, they'll stand you in good stead.
Oh, one last thing, don't try to make Prince Philip give you head."

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