OVEN CLEANER

The other day I was strolling round the supermarket. I am not going to tell you which supermarket for fear of being immediately placed into a social class in your minds and forever thereafter finding myself not invited to some of your parties. However, I do wish to point out that I consider myself a first class supermarket stroller. Even when it is crowded, I dodge skilfully past trollies which threaten to take out my knees, hurdle children who are lying on the floor having tantrums about cereal without breaking my stride pattern, and pluck my items of choice from the shelves with remarkable flair, sometimes lobbing them up in the air like Tom Cruise in Cocktail, before catching them in my basket.

That isn't really relevant to this little tale, but really. You should see me.

Anyway, there I was the other day, making my way down the household cleaning products aisle like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, when a certain shelf full of spray cans caught my eye. The shelf in question contained various different brands of oven cleaner. There were quite a lot of them and I was suddenly struck with a thought.

I am 37 years old. I have never, ever even thought about buying oven cleaner. Not once. My mother probably has a stock-pile of it in case there is a nuclear holocaust when she hasn't cleaned the oven in a while. Yet I have managed to reach the ripe old age of 37 without ever feeling the need to buy oven cleaner. How have I achieved this when the amount of oven cleaner on offer would appear to indicate that it is a kitchen essential?

I wonder if I am unusual. I wonder if it is in fact possible to get through my entire life without buying oven cleaner. Perhaps people are just squandering their hard earned cash on this substance and could instead be saving it up for a trip to Blackpool.

I'm sure the inquisitive amongst you will now be thinking that there are a number of possibilities as to how I have achieved this feat. Maybe I have gone through adult life with a series of disgustingly filthy ovens and that is probably why I am still not married. Or maybe I never use my oven because I am being invited to dinner by various members of high society seven days a week.

A quick check reveals that my current oven, which has been in my possession for over four years, is fairly clean.

I wonder if anyone can beat my record. Is there anyone out there older than me that has also never bought oven cleaner? A can of Mister Muscle to anyone who can.